A journal of healing

“There is only one possibility for survival for you and that will be dialysis.”  When I heard that from the nephrologist, I could not believe my ears. Matter of fact, I sort of denied it for a while. Now it has been brewing in my head for many weeks. The whole visit was so overwhelming that I thought at first I misunderstood her, but I did not. But my advice is to take someone along with you when you go to the doctor. Someone you trust and who will remember what was said.

But I did hear her correctly because my next thing to do was take a class on kidney care and dialysis. Unfortunately, the nurse who taught it was terrible and self-centered. But she too said the same thing. And she also stated that there would be only one type of dialysis for me to choose.

And this sentence, this proclamation of my mortality is based solely on my size. No one looked at any medical chart. No one did an evaluation or in-depth study of my health history. One look at my physical shape and the decision was made.

I get this all the time with medical people. I was going to use medical professionals but there is nothing professional about the instant judgement based on the bias and discrimination inflicted on people of size.

Most of my adult life, before I became sick from a hereditary malady with my blood, I was healthy as an ox. I had normal blood pressure, normal everything including not being diabetic. I was very physical and active. I was just fat. I have been so my whole entire life from birth. I was a pudgy baby. Then it was cute. Doctors used to get so frustrated with the fact my glucose was below normal and it was like they were trying to make me diabetic. I did become diabetic but that was  because of the reaction to medication for the psoriatic arthritis. Matter of fact, ever thing cascaded downward after I had to go on very strong medications. I often wonder what would be if I never needed to take those drugs. How different my life would be?

But this is the cards I was dealt, so I have to deal with it. But I do not have to accept being told that I do not have options because I am fat. No one should. If they had said I could only have this one type of dialysis because of my blood condition, I would understand it. But to tell me that a transplant is out of the question without delving into a complete work up is wrong. To tell me that there is only one kind of dialysis that I will be able to use without knowing my history and for that fact, not being a doctor, was unethical of that nurse.

You cannot imagine how this feels. I know so many large people who face this every day. The declared sentences, the judgments, the uniformed decisions based on prejudice and bias are rampant. Our health care system is not accepting and it is not just for people of size. It is for anyone who does not fit the mold of the desired patient. I won’t even go into poverty and how the poor get treated. That is not this fight.

People think that people of size choose to be fat. The word FAT has such a horrible connotation to it, unlike any other word to describe a human. We don’t cringe when say someone is tall or short. We have learned not to designate a person by their skin in a derogatory manner anymore. (Well some still do) We are offended if someone calls someone by their disability. Why is it an insult to call someone fat? Because our country has been fed bullshit by the medical world and by the media that being fat is the worst thing in the world to be. It is preached by certain religions that gluttony is a sin. Someone who is large is not automatically a “glutton”. Even small children know fat is a “bad” thing.

This is not just about whether or not I can have a transplant. It is about treating people equally. This is just my personal example of a death sentence handed unjustified and without full discovery. It a court of law, it would be thrown out. This is just one small example of how discrimination kills. This is a form of annihilation. “We let the fat people die and they will go away.” Fat people live in a ghetto of isolation all over this country.

As I approach the celebration of another birthday this Friday, I cannot sit back and let this continue. I am becoming a warrior. I am powering up with education. I am gathering information and arming myself with facts. And I will fight this fight as much as I can. I know there are many of us now who will not sit back and let this discrimination continue.

 

 

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