A journal of healing

Anticipation

Louie 1

It is in the air. I can smell it and I can see the change in the light. I can hear it in the morning in birdsong. Spring is coming soon. This is by far my favorite time of year. The anticipation of the warmer air, flowers and gardens and the freedom to be outside is part of the reason I love this time of year. I get weary by August of the hot air. Fall is gorgeous but the dread builds with the coming of the cold and snow. Winter to me is horrible. I like the first snows and I like the holidays, but the darkness and immobility because of the snow and ice makes me hate winter.

rhoda 1 2015

There is more for me going on that is making a difference. I finished the training at work and the big project I have been working on for me is pretty much done. I was training three two hour classes a day for the last two weeks and the exhaustion was palatable. For over five months, I lived and breathed this project which was filled with lies and deception. I do not work well with people who say they are going to do something and then don’t. The two leaders of this project were way in over their heads and their way of dealing was to give orders and then disappear. Fortunately for me, I had control of the education portion and it was completely successful. The next pill I will have to swallow will be when they take credit for the success in the project even though they had little to do with it. Actually, they almost tanked it. I learned a lesson in boundaries. Work is work and as I grow older, the significance of my identity being dependent on my work has lessened greatly. I think it is the first progression towards retirement. I am not going to have a problem of walking away from this job one day.

u of bunnie

I am also anticipated starting a new drug for my Psoriatic Arthritis. I have been without any medication for also the past five months. The pain has grown exponentially. I am now to the point that more than five hours of sleep is difficult because it hurts to lay there. No one can understand what this disease is like unless you have it. From the outside, I look fine except for patches of lizard skin and the dandruff from the psoriasis. I have noticed people do not have tolerance for fat people who struggle to move. I work very hard to not let this disease slow me down or imped my mobility. But there is nothing I can do right now. I am limping, my ankles give out and the pain in my back and neck comes on with very little walking right now. I can’t sit for long and so I have to get up and move, which also creates pain. Stress only exacerbates the situation tenfold. This will be the third drug in less than a year and I hope it works.

Azalea 2

Today is supposed to be almost 60 degrees out. We have a blanket of snow covering everything and I hope it melts. I know that underneath it I have snow drops trying to raise their little white heads. The garden shops open soon and walking through and smelling the dirt and moss is one of my favorite things to do. My spirit glows again with the anticipation of sitting in my garden surrounded by the beauty and serenity of nature.

lights 2015

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Comments on: "Anticipation" (3)

  1. Hey Jane,

    The opening lines of your anticipated post, ‘it is in the air. I can smell it and I can see the change in the light. I can hear it in the morning in birdsong’, holds such warmth it glows with the smile it was written with. Beautiful words, rich in meaning and context, almost as if they were melting snow by themselves. You’ve a wonderful way of expressing yourself. Do you write poetry?

    I was delighted to see your opening photograph! 🙂 Your courageous Red Cardinal sat high up amongst the trees and leading you into spring! What a great sight to welcome you back out onto the promenade. His vibrant colours are simply dazzling and contrast beautifully with the emerald lustre of green leaves. It’s a wonderful photograph to keep and treasure. I also like the ‘pesky wabbit’ taking an interest in the garden and sharing that special place with you. Nature always holds out Her hand in friendship to those who love her the most, and that must be why both rabbit and cardinal are there to offer their gifts of encouragement to you in abundance. As symbols, hares and rabbits are emblems of fecundity and divine feminine energies. They are Lunar symbols associated with both Aphrodite and Eostra and perfect as heralds of spring.

    As warmer weather melts the snow, I hope the emergence of spring will fulfil your expectation of her and provide you with sunlit days and restful nights. You sound positive and energized, which is great to hear.

    Very pleased to also read your training and project are all but concluded. Training is intensive and with the weight of it lifting from your shoulders you’ll be more buoyant in your stride. I wouldn’t worry to much about your line-manager’s stealing the credit for your work, it is of small concern in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps their Machiavellian attitude is a blessing in disguise that brought clarity to your thoughts – ‘work ‘is’ work, and as I grow older, the significance of my identity being dependent on my work has lessened greatly.’ I find that heartening to hear.

    I wish you well returning to new treatment for your condition. Being without your prescription for five months must have been very difficult for you and exacerbated your dis-ease. Pain can be especially tiring to deal with effectively, its impact on the entire body system is significant, and it draws healing energy away from where it is most desired. Now that your body has been rested from previous drugs, I hope it’ll be better able to accept the new course of treatment and respond positively. It must be a great relief to know that new medication is on its way. ‘Third’ drug lucky sounds good to me…three is a very powerful number, full to brimming with magic, mystery, mysticism and hope. So please keep heart and mind crossed in faith of healing and wear a bigger smile on your dial everyday. Happiness and gratitude are always the best keys to unlocking the door to healing and feeling. Who knows what joys may come to you upon spring’s rushing tide.

    The arrangement of plants at the entrance to the wood-decking is very reminiscent of my mum’s garden, the main exception being the large lawn area you have flowing around it. Mum has no emerald sea of grass to set sail upon like you. She is also one for potted plants (and a couple of raised beds), which she finds far easier to maintain. She’s not so sprightly as once she was but has always adored colourful flowers and the changing of the seasons as they paint the blank canvas of her garden with their unique charm. I smiled when remembering mum was gifted a scarecrow one Christmas, purchased to keep the gnomes, fairies and terracotta mushrooms company and her garden safe from harm. He positioned himself with a view through the main living-room window where he watches over her both day and night with a cheeky smile. My Mum has grown very fond of him over the years and calls him Charlie. She calls every scarecrow Charlie, but I’ve not told Charlie that!

    Anyway, I wrote a short poem about Charlie, and thought I’d share it with you.

    ~ Scarecrow ~

    In warming soil a scarecrow stands,
    amidst snowmelt and shrubbery.
    Patiently attending to tender-tips
    for journeys of discovery.

    ~

    Beneath his robes of rag and straw,
    in a place we’d never know.
    Beats Nature’s heart, still ever-green,
    from where his scarecrow flows.

    ~

    I’ve seen him hold both birds and bees,
    and talk to Owls high up in trees.
    I’ve heard him whistle as he works,
    and heard him snoring as he shirks!

    ~

    I saw him once harvest shining stars,
    from the boughs of the Milky Way.
    I watched him gift ’em to fairy-folk,
    to help light-up their way.

    ~

    He had no name when he came to mum,
    and dug himself in the ground.
    Charlie, she said, as if she knew,
    and his name had then been found!

    ~

    Charlie always chats along with mum,
    whilst she’s pottering away.
    I’ve asked her what they talk about,
    but she’s very reluctant to say.

    ~

    Her rosy cheeks and twinkling eyes
    have led me to conclude,
    that Charlie her gardening scarecrow
    is more than herbaceously shrewd!

    ~

    Charlie’s weathered well over the years
    despite wind, rain and snow.
    But the reason that he’s never left
    is because mum just loves him so!

    ~

    I hope you have a wonderful week, fruitful, productive and most of all snow-free! Thank you for another great post. It’s one more step on the journey, one more leap towards spring 🙂

    Take care Jane.

    Namaste

    DN – 01/03/2016

    Like

    • Thank you so much for your lovely comments. It is very kind and supportive. I enjoy hearing about your Mom’s garden and “friends.”
      Take care, Jane

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hey Jane

        You are most welcome. Thank you for sharing your journey of discovery and healing and in the process reaching out to support others. Your garden is an island delightfully shared.

        Nature’s potent potion,
        is God’s powerful panacea.
        Eternally loved and attended by,
        our Earth’s Goddess, Gaea.

        Best wishes and brightest blessings. Take care 🙂

        Namaste

        DN – 04/03/2016

        Like

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