A journal of healing


This post spurred my next post. Interesting question as to how would you deal with this information.


Comments on: "Discharge" (1)

  1. I remember it like it was yesterday, but it was thirty years ago almost to the day. We had just celebrated 11 years of a very rocky and an unhappy marriage. I knew he was a snake then and in truth I knew it before I married him. But I wanted out of the abusive home with my parents and I wanted to be safe in my own home. I ended up married to a worse abuser and liar then my father.
    We had just bought our first house the previous year. I saved every penny while he squandered and stole from me. But I made the down payment and closing costs and I had my dream home and my first gardens. I loved the little house and worked every night and weekend wall papering and painting. In May, I was downsized and lost my position. I received unemployment and took the opportunity to work on the house. He worked the late shift as a police officer. He would go off to the gym before his shift or when he worked days after work. He never lost weight and one day I realized, his gym bag remained untouched and no dirty clothes.
    He made being unfaithful an art. He could turn the best bullshit and I was pretty innocent. I wanted to believe he was not cheating, but in my heart I knew he was. I worked on the house during the day and escaped nightly into a bottle. Sometimes I would sit with my neighbor swapping stories and wine until very late. One night we ended up chatting all through the night and into the next day. My husband did not come home and there was no denying it, I was awake. The next night after he left to “go to the gym” with his best friend, and was not home by 11pm, I called his friend who rolled over on him. He was having an affair.
    I remember feeling like someone had sucked the air out of my lungs. I waited for him to come home, which was very soon after my call to his friend. He probably called him to warn him. I sat perfectly still in my chair, my heart was pounding in my ears but I was braced for the truth or so I thought.
    He sat across from me and confessed. He said later he will never forget my face when he told me. Good. It broke me in two. I have never felt such betrayal and heartache. See, I still loved him. After a moment I reacted in a rant and started breaking some of his things. It was a reaction I had witness in my father many times. Once I calmed down, I asked for details. He said it was only once. But…..
    Seems she has gone to the Doctor and had an STD. He was pretty sure he had passed it on to me and I need to get checked out. He was dreadfully sorry and it would not happen again. He still loved me.
    I still can feel the shame I felt. The next day, I sat on my porch stairs and called the OBGYN. He was a cool doctor and been trying to help me with my fertility issues. That is a whole other story. I cried when I had to tell him what had happened and he made an appointment to see me the next day. In embarrassment, I sat on his table and told him the whole story, weeping and sobbing. He was compassionate and non-judgmental. It made all the difference.
    Epilogue: so thirty years later I am laughing at this. But this was a major destroyer of my soul. What trust I may have had was gone in all people. My self-worth and fortitude went down the tubes and I stayed with the asshole for another fifteen years. The truth of his one-time affair was that he had been seeing this bitch for nine months prior and continued the relationship through the rest of our marriage. The last contact I had with him after our divorce was an envelope he sent to me with my tax return in it. It had her address crossed out. He did not end up with her either.
    What he did not know, is that I figured out who she was and called her at her office a few days after I had been to the doctor. You could hear the phone drop when I said in a clear and strong voice I was so and so’s wife. I said to her, I hear we have a medical issue going on and I want to tell you that I passed the condition on to you because we were still having frequent and great sex. And hung up. We weren’t, believe me. I also was cleared medically; no STD. I had some hutzpah when I needed it.

    Liked by 1 person

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